Sweat Gutr


Meet Sweat GUTR

Marketed as the “Ultimate Sweatband,” its “patented technology” funnels sweat away from the eyes and “increases vision by reducing fogging and streaking in glasses.” It’s also adjustable for “maximum comfort.”

Can we just come out and say it?…What a crock of s*&%.

This is what happens when technology tromps all over tradition. Yeah, you might have looked good for a minute in 1991 on those fancy, neon green Rollerblades, but weren’t roller skates cooler all along? What was wrong with tossing on some pillowy soft sweatbands and hitting the roller rink? Or powering through a lunch-hour Jazzercise class? Why do we always have to get all fancy and futuristic?

Sweat GUTR, we formally dispute (yes, on our blog on the interwebs) the validity of your “Ultimate Sweatband” trademark. We’ll give you “headband,” but we’re pretty sure you aren’t a sweatband. Let alone the “Ultimate Sweatband.” You have 30 days to reconsider your branding and marketing strategy.

In the long run, nobody likes the person with the neon green Rollerblades…unless they’re jumping buildings or 50-stair rails, or an NHL player in the off-season, or WILDLY attractive and wearing them ironically somewhere in public.

Sweatbands will always be cool.

(Yes, that’s Matty Mac wearing a Sweat GUTR. Yes, we could have just posted that pic and not had to write this whole thing.)

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