Letter From A SweetBand Customer

Email From A SweetBand Customer

[SB NOTE - We typically get emails from the SweetBand community about SweetBand ownership - "If I order a SweetBand, will my friends be overcome with jealousy? If so, should I care?", "I received my first SweetBand last week and women keep throwing themselves at me. At first it was cool, but now I'm exhausted. Advice?", "Do I need to feed and water my SweetBand?", etc etc. But, every so often, we get an email that reminds us why we do this (other than the insane mountains of money, of course). Thank you "Artisanal Inflatable Pool Toy Guild Crocodile Division." You complete us. 
 
Have a question, idea, thought, emotion, or spare 5 minutes? Shoot SweetBands an email. We'll be sure to drop whatever we're doing and get right back to you.]

 

Greetings SB!

We look forward to receiving our 16 sweet pink Moustachettes with much anticipation! You see we are members of an elite and longstanding historical guild devoted to constructing artisanal inflatable pool toys. We specialize in Crocodiles, ensuring each scale is crafted with such painstaking detail that if crocodile hunter Steve Irwin were alive today, he wouldn’t be able to distinguish inflatable pool toy from ferocious beast. If a single bead of sweat drips onto the plastic sheen of one of our world renowned Crocodiles, our business, nay our very reputation could be at stake. You can understand the importance of our Etsy order.

You might be interested to learn that our youngest member suffers from a glandular disorder that results in the production of ambrosia from her brow. The nectar is so sweet – unparalleled since the age of demi-gods – that the Khan of the Kyrgyz nomadic tribe begged us to let him purchase her. He offered hundreds of sheep in her honor, and a yurt flecked with the bones of giant woolly mammoths. We declined. She will wear 7 of the bands, selected for their uncompromising style and ferocity. These are sweat bands that state unapologetically, “I am wearing a sweat band.”

Please stay safe in Taiwan, and please, please, don’t eat Shark Fin soup.

[SB NOTE - We're back from Taiwan. It was lovely. No endangered or inhumane shark part culinary was consumed.]

Best,

AIPTGCD (Artisanal Inflatable Pool Toy Guild Crocodile Division)

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