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BAND HEADS BIO: DANNY DIETRICK

SweetBands Alpha (Texas Chapter)
Name: Danny Dietrick
Sex: Male
Hometown: NOLA, baby!
Occupation: Rockstar and Father
Favorite Band: The La Jolla & The Drunk

We first met Danny at the steeplechase near Roland Garros (Auteuil?) and were immediately taken by his bemused outlook on the ironies of ex-pat life – “I mean, it goes so much further than a ‘Royale avec formage.’ These “French Fries” taste and look exactly like Freedom Fries.” We also appreciated his lack of hesitation in ordering the model team a round of non-fat yogurts while we shot Gentleman Jack out of bejeweled chalices. Since then, Danny has become one of the most active Band Heads in the world; chronicling his Band Head exploits in an “ASB” folder on his Flickr account. (ASB = “After SweetBands,” the BSB folder is decidedly less interesting.) We asked Danny to give a few thoughts on what makes a real Band Head tick.

SB:  How has SweetBands changed your outlook on life and the way you view the eternity of time?

DD:  I am willing to admit that I was pretty lost before SweetBands. I always knew my head was meant for something… but what? I searched high and low for anything to fill the void that was the perimeter of my enormous noggin. I tried growing my hair out but that just made me look like an upset sad woman. I tried various hats, fedoras, and even doo-rags but nothing was clicking. Then SweetBands came into my life.

 GAME *snaps* CHANGER

! Instantly, my outlook on life improved. Attractive women wanted to buy me things and then make out with me. Even Bundt Cakes tasted better! It’s like everything that is cool in life got turned up to 10! As far as eternity of time… well the SweetBand itself is circular just like my good friend infinity. There is nothing I can’t and won’t do when wearing my SweetBands. 4eva!!!

SB:  What was the inspiration behind purchasing your first SweetBand?

DD:  My first SweetBand was a gift actually. It was a Monday night, if I recall, and I was right in the middle of a sad-man-who-hates-his-job drinking binge when my roommate approached me. He said “Danny…You are finally ready.” 

He then presented me with “The Drunk”. I put it around my head and I felt like I was finally home. I immediately checked out the website and saw everything else you brilliant bastards had to offer. “The Tenenbomb” was a must have followed by “The Stache” which I in turn gifted to some dear friends. I tell ya, I hit the ground running and I haven’t looked back.


SB:  How can SweetBands change the world?

DD:  One head at a time. I wore the Tenenbomb to band practice the other night and immediately my band mates (who typically hate me and only keep me in the band because I own the P. A.) were in awe! I believe one comment was “Well, you can obviously never take that off!” The instant respect SweetBands produce will in all likelihood end all suffering globally. It really is just a matter of time.


SB:  In a time of political upheaval, what do you think was SweetBands’ role in the Arab Spring?

DD:  I tend to stay away from politics. I do know if everyone had the proper SweetBand, there would be no war, religion, or class system. That being said, I looked up (on the Googles) Arab Spring and the Wikipedia page seemed long… So, no Comment
.

SB:  Where do you see your relationship with SweetBands headed? (Pun? Huh, huh? See the pun??)

DD:  Right now, things are casual. Wait, did they say anything about me?! Never mind. Things are casual. Things are fun. Nothing is too real. I can wear a SweetBand all night and then take it off for a while and go to sleep alone. No biggie. That isn’t to say that I don’t want more eventually. I mean who doesn’t want to be comfortable enough to, I don’t know… shower with their SweetBand on (giggles). If anyone asks though… I totally like like SweetBands. More than a friend!
 Like like!!! Less than 3 all over this bitch!


SB:  What kind of statement are you making when you rock a SweetBand?

DD:  Hey, my name is Daniel. And I am probably the best thing you will ever see in all of ever…ever! And ladies…
it is okay to touch it.

SB:  Are you comfortable with the fact that somewhere someone is drinking and saying: ‘Journey, now that was a sweet band’? (We personally cherish Journey, but we’ll accept your answer either way. We’ll accept it “Faithfully.”)

DD:  I am not sure tipsy driving could ever be safe without Journey on repeat on extra loud! Hey Journey, everyone else stopped believing…but I didn’t! Thanks for getting me home when all my stupid friends said “dude, you should probably get a cab.” 
In your face well-wishing people who care about the safety of others!


SB:  Do you think we can sue them?

DD:  Sue me!  The average settlement is…“Damn! He only has $3 and a bunch of SweetBands, and those are all registered in someone else’s name.(Yeah, I fill out my warranty cards!) That sonofabitch!!!”

 But, no…
don’t sue Journey, guys! They had keytars back in the day! Keytars have to count for something, right?


SB:  Other than you, who do you imagine would be our best fantasy endorsement?

DD:  Mr T. Pretty sure that is self-explanatory…
have you called him? 
I think he is listed
. Oh! 
Obi-Wan Kenobi!!! Sweet Science! Can you imagine any effin (effin? Really?) scene from Star Wars with Obi-Wan sporting a SweetBand?! Fuck! Call that guy! Call him hard!

SB:  What sucks more than having sweat in your eyes?

DD:  I would have to think jalapeno juice in your eyes would be horrible. That or semen. Those seem terrible. Ladies?…  I tell you what. If I don’t have a SweetBand on to protect me from the day’s sweat, jalapeno juice, and semen, I am sporting goggles. Do you know who looks good in goggles? Johnny Q Nobody! Double dang!!!  Just wear a SweetBand kids! Just wear a SweetBand!

You had us from hello, DD. You had us from hello.

 

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